Monday, December 18, 2006
This song is playing right now. It was supposed to be the song for my wedding march, but the organist messed up. He played it later during the wedding, though. When I listen to it, I still get that fullness in my chest remembering the love and excitment I felt during our wedding. Darn, I'm a lucky girl. Remembering those times in the beginning of our marriage seem so peaceful, especially on days like today. How much less stress the kid-free life was! Unfortunately, you never know that till you have kids. I've been having a hard time with the mommy-thing lately. I don't want to be ungrateful for these beautiful kids - I love them so much, but if they weren't mine, I just might have given them away to the first taker today. John has been on a naughty rampage. It's like he's under the impression he has a naughty quota, and he's constantly paranoid he will somehow not fill it. Finn... I don't know what's wrong with Finn, other than he will not let me put him down. I must hold him all the time. It's very hard to chase a naughty John while holding a fussy Finn and clean a messy house. As we approach Christmas, I think of our Blessed Mother. She is our example for motherhood. When I lose my patience with the boys, I think how Mary would have been infinitely more patient and that I should try to be more like her. But then I think, c'mon, how naughty could Jesus have been?